Elevate Your Day with Andi and Brian Hale

Be Right With One Another

Think about the words you most regret saying. What prompted them? Chances are, they were rooted in a desire to be right. You might even be honest enough to say you wanted to win the argument. But have you ever considered that it’s possible to right someone else right out of your life?
Philippians 2:3-4 ESVDo nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Rather than being right at one another, God wants us to be right with one another.
How do we know this? Jesus was killed on a cross for a crime he didn’t commit. Jesus, who could have been right—who could have demanded what he deserved—instead valued us above himself. He didn’t correct the false accusations. He didn’t insist on his rightness. Jesus didn’t come to be right. He came to reconcile us to God and to one another.
So, he says to us: Quit being right at one another and figure out how to get right with one another. Because if the two of you aren’t right, it doesn’t matter who’s right.
Proverbs 17:14 ESVThe beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
Here are two questions that will make it practical:
In what area of your life do you need to get to work on being right with someone? Perhaps this relates to words you tend to speak in anger, sarcasm, criticism, or bitterness. These words could be spoken anonymously, directed at a specific person, or pointed at yourself.
The second question is more painful, but it’s the driving force behind watching your words.
Who hopes you’ll get to work soon? Maybe it’s your spouse, son, daughter, co-worker, or neighbor. It might even be someone you interact with online or on social media.
Is there someone you need to work to be right with today? It’s time to get to work.

It Makes Sense to Them

From Me & My Big Mouth by North Point Ministries on YouVersion
Colossians 4:5-6 ESVWalk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Here’s something that’s obvious but often overlooked: Everything everyone does makes sense to them. The neighbor you think mows their lawn the wrong way? They don’t agree. That co-worker who offered an opinion that opposed yours? They did so for a reason. We may not understand their motives or actions, but the people around us are operating in ways that make sense to them.
When we don’t take time to understand others’ viewpoints, we rush to hasty, destructive conclusions that often manifest in words we later regret: “That makes no sense.” “They’re so stupid.” “How could anyone believe that?” Unfortunately, we often say these things behind the person’s back. We post our opinions online or share them with a friend, not even giving our target the opportunity to respond.
That’s not what God intended. Your words are your responsibility. If there’s something you don’t agree with or don’t understand, ask questions. The goal isn’t to align with the other person. The goal is to honor them. You don’t have to agree, but you should maintain a posture of respect.
2 Timothy 2:23-26 ESVHave nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
What’s one area where you are quick to judge? It could be a political view, a religious practice, or a lifestyle choice. Whose viewpoint are you quick to excuse as errant or foolish? Try asking questions. Seek to understand. It might save you from words you’ll regret. 

Quick to Listen Slow to Speak

From Me & My Big Mouth by North Point Ministries on YouVersion
Open mouth . . . insert foot. Have you ever been there? You started to talk and quickly wished you could stuff the words back in. Or perhaps you’ve been the recipient of someone else’s foot-in-mouth moment. If so, you’ve likely felt the hurt of misspoken words.
James 1:19-21 ESVKnow this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
As we know from James’ instruction to “be quick to listen, slow to speak,” we all have the ability to hit pause. What we don’t have the ability to do is rewind. Once our words are out there, they can’t be taken back.
When we’re under pressure, angry, or in a hurry, it can be easy to let the wrong words come out or to say the right words at the wrong time. We’re typically quick to speak, slow to listen—the exact opposite of James’ advice!
But by pausing before speaking, we put the needs of others ahead of our own. We give them the opportunity to express their opinions or tell their side of the story.
Proverbs 13:3 ESVWhoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
Today, look for opportunities to give others the chance to talk first. Rather than listening in order to reply, try James’ advice—flip the script and be “quick to listen, slow to speak” instead.

Let Us Consider

From Speaking Life in Your Marriage on YouVersion
Hebrews 10:24 NASB1995and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
Today let’s ponder the instruction from Hebrews 10 to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” This is a call to action for us to help motivate one another toward living righteous, Kingdom-minded lives.
Proverbs 25:11 NASB1995Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances.
Proverbs 16:24 NASB1995Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Our words can call out the best or the worst in a person. When we take the proactive step of studying ways to use our words, Proverbs 25 and 16 tell us that kind and well timed words are “sweet to the soul and healthy to the body,” and “like apples of gold.”
Proverbs 15:28 NASB1995The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
Have you ever gotten a compliment or encouragement that stuck with you? Or maybe you remember a harsh word that was spoken to you long ago. Words that speak to the good someone sees in us can encourage us in our growth and help us see what God has done and is doing in our lives. They can call us up to grow into all He has for us. In your marriage, be the one to notice and call out the good in your spouse. Speak to what you see God doing in them, the good you see in them, and the way they impact the world around you.
Praying for your spouse is a great way to use your words to build them up, while growing together in spiritual intimacy. Praying for someone else helps us to see them through God’s eyes and be attuned to what He is doing in and through them. Where do you need to see God move in your lives? What do you hope He will do in your lives, or the life of someone around you? You can pray together silently, together verbally, or on your own.
Another fun way to use the life-giving power of words is to encourage others together. Make a point to notice the good things you see in your family members, kids, and community, then speak to them. Find ways to speak life to others together. Being a couple who speaks life to others will be life-giving to the two of you, and to those that you encourage.
Next Steps:
Ask your spouse how you can pray for them, then do it.
Speak life to others: Who can you encourage together? Who has encouraged you that you can thank?
Resource:
Love Cans Printable
This fun exercise is designed to help you to pay attention to the love tanks in your marriage and do your part to keep them full. This simple exercise can help you define the things that fill up your spouse’s love tanks so that you can keep them full. Grab the Love Cans Printable here.
Also, be sure to follow Awesome Marriage on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube for more great insights on how to build an awesome marriage. We would love to connect with you!

A Reflection of the Heart

Proverbs 4:23 NASB1995Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.
God’s transformation is not to change our words or actions, but to change our heart. The words we say flow out of what is in our hearts and on our minds. What enters through our eyes and ears takes root in our mind and shapes our heart. The things we pour in and meditate on will certainly show up in our words and actions.
We live in a fallen world, and the culture around us is saturated and overflowing with words; many of them unhelpful. Feeding our minds on a diet of news, talk shows, opinion pieces or rants will make it very difficult to speak life-giving, encouraging words. Things that keep our minds on earthly things do not bring heavenly perspective or bear godly fruit.
Proverbs 18:2 NASB1995A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind.
Likewise, meditating on Scripture shapes our mindset and teaches us to filter our thoughts through the lens of God’s eternal perspective. Scripture is God’s story; teaching us His character, His ways and His purposes. When we keep Him and His Word in the forefront of our mind, this, too, will shape our heart.
When God has redeemed your heart through salvation, He will also sanctify to make you more like Him. We invite this transformation when we seek Him in the Word and in prayer.
Philippians 4:8 NASB1995Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Today, consider what your mind is taking in. Consider the impact of the content that you see and hear. The repeated thoughts, worries or fears that linger in your mind are meditations. If you want to start making a change, recognize when one negative train of thought enters your mind and decide that you will not let it become your focus. Read Scripture aloud to replace the negative thought. Ask God to help you purify your thoughts and to make the words of your mouth and the meditations of your heart pleasing to Him. He will answer.
Psalms 19:14 NASB1995Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
Next Steps:
Pray Psalm 19:14
Filter what influences you. Is there anything you’re watching or listening to that you know does not yield godly fruit?
Write down one scripture to meditate on to replace an unhealthy thought pattern.

Speaking Helpful Words

From Speaking Life in Your Marriage on YouVersion
Ephesians 4:29 NASB1995Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Proverbs 10:32 NASB1995The lips of the righteous bring forth what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverted.
Scripture says it like this: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful , so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29) and “The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.” (Proverbs 10:32).
There are two sides to this. First, we are to put away any unkind, rude, foul or hurtful speech. And then, beyond avoiding the negative, we have a great opportunity to use our words for good! I love that these verses give a picture of the good that our words can bring. They can be an instrument of encouragement and love. Our kind and gentle words reflect the image of God’s love, and when our marriage reflects Him, we experience joy and peace while giving Him glory!
Let’s be proactive today as we use our words to encourage and help others.
Today, I want to challenge you to seize those helpful words and share them. Don’t neglect the simple gift of speaking life into your spouse, friends, family, and the marriages around you.
Next Steps:
Do you have a friend whose marriage encourages you? Encourage them by saying so today!
Tell your spouse one way you have seen them growing, and encourage them in what you’ve seen God do in them.

Repent and Confess

From Speaking Life in Your Marriage on YouVersion
James 3:7-11 NASB1995For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?
Have you used words to tear down, nag, or criticize? Do you tend to be sarcastic or quick tempered? Or have you withheld words that should have been spoken? Have you hidden your hurts from your spouse, or held a grudge when you felt hurt rather than being honest about the breach in your relationship?
I doubt there’s anyone among us who can say they have never done any of those! James 3 is clear that “no one can control the tongue,” which is something we can all probably recognize in our own lives. Some couples have said that their most bitter fights happen on the way to church, where they then sit down together and stand to praise God through their tense lips. What a vivid image of when “blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth”!
Lamentations 3:40 NASB1995Let us examine and probe our ways, And let us return to the Lord.
Today, start with humility before God. Ask the Holy Spirit for conviction. Ask Him to reveal where you sinned with your words this week. Then confess and repent of what He brings to mind.
Confess and apologize to your spouse for using your words to hurt. Repent of not being honest about the things you need to communicate. Confess, then let go of any grudges, past hurts or bitterness. Ask your spouse for forgiveness. Acknowledge that you want to move forward in a new way and to follow the instructions of Ephesians 4 to get rid of harsh words and be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.
It is not easy to apologize or confess, but that is where healing begins. We are fallen humans on the road to growing more like Christ, but we are not there yet! We will need to repent, confess and apologize on a regular basis. When we do, He is faithful to forgive us. And we can forgive freely, as God in Christ has freely forgiven us.
Ephesians 4:31-32 NASB1995Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Next Steps:
Pray, asking God for conviction
Respond to His conviction with repentance and confession
Apologize to your spouse for words you’ve said that hurt them.

Power of Words

From Speaking Life in Your Marriage on YouVersion
John 1:1 NASB1995In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
The words we speak have more power than we realize. Words matter. John 1:1 refers to Jesus as “the Word,” and Genesis tells us that it was through the power of His words that God created the heavens, the earth, and all created things. The Bible itself is referred to as God’s Word. Words have great power.
Proverbs 18:21 NASB1995Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Of all created things, humankind alone – created in the image of God – was given the ability to speak. So through our words, we have the capacity to reflect the image of God’s life-giving nature, or to hurt and destroy. We have the choice to “bring life or death.” Often we speak without thinking. We speak without intentionality. We air our thoughts and opinions without considering their impact. When we do, we miss out on using words to encourage and build up those around us.
In marriage, our spouse can easily be taken for granted because we are around them so much. The daily interactions can become routine and we neglect times that we could use to share encouragement and appreciation. So today, think of one good thing you might be taking for granted about your spouse, and say it. Use the power of your words to build them up today.
Next Steps:
Consider that words are a God-given gift, not to be taken for granted.
DO NOT say the unhelpful things you think
DO say the helpful / kind / encouraging things you think.